Have you ever seen this in an online journal you were reading online? Do you write a journal and have found yourself typing those very words or words with a similar ring to them?

It's frustrating, isn't it? When I started my journal, I promised myself that one thing I would never do is say those words. "I've got something to say, but I just can't talk about it," or "something really incredible happened today, but I'm not allowed to talk about it right now."

When I'd see other people do that in their journals, it was annoying as a reader. It meant you were missing out on something. It also reminds the reader that they are a voyeur into the journaler's life.

It breaks the spell. There's an illusion that occurs sometimes between the reader and the journaler. Though the journaler appears to be frank and honest, when they admit there's something they can't talk about, you realize they actually don't trust you. Why? Well, why should they? They don't know you. They don't even know you're reading; at least not right at that moment.

And that might very well be a good thing. Perhaps this illusion of public confidance is best not encouraged.

The first time I found myself confronted with this issue, as a journaler, it was humbling. Up until then I had made fun of journalers who did that, and now there were events in my life which demanded it. Though I wanted to be honest in my journal, for my own future reference as well as for anyone who cared to read, the events in my life were too complicated to document. And this sort of went against the grain of the very purpose for having an online daily diary.

There are ways to work around it. Some of them will not work for everyone. Others could apply for just about anybody, but they take a bit of work.

The UpFront Approach

Often the reason behind all this has nothing to do with the journaler's honesty. It has to do with the fact that their honesty might inadvertently affect a friend or loved one in a negative way. Cause and effect, as well as the uncertainty of the future were the truth made known, these and other factors lead to the silence and the confusion.

But would it really affect the person or persons in question? Do they even read your journal? Maybe you should ask them.

It sounds uncomfortable, I know. I've done it, so I know. However, you might be surprised at the answer. I know I was.

You could write the entry, and then show it to the people in question. The worst they can do is say no. You might be afraid that doing this will further complicate whatever's going on, but oftentimes I find the opposite is true. If for example the problem is a misunderstanding between yourself and the other person, when that other person sees you spell it out and write it down, it can help the communication. It can actually, and HAS in my past actually improved what was going on in the first place.

And sometimes people are in a strange way honored to find themselves important enough in your life that you feel a need to put them in your journal. It's strange, but people often respond to my request as if it were a compliment. From this they learn: 1) that you think they're important enough in your life that you want to document them in your journal, and 2) that you asked first which means you sincerely care about their thoughts and feelings, and are listening and are attentive.

And again, the worst that can happen is they say no. If they do, you don't have to post it to your journal.

...to be continued next week!